Arriving at the clinic was very surreal, Jeff and I were having a great weekend away and I kind of forgot the reason for our trip, until we stepped off the elevator at the clinic; let me tell you shit got real, really fast.
It was a strange place, so many people and doctors running all over the place and couples of all sorts waiting. We sat down to wait for our appointment, surrounded by huge brochures on infertility yoga, coping with loss, counseling services, IVF, IVF with genetic screening, IUI, apple fritters and coffee, while Katy Perry -Firework played on repeat (or maybe it just felt like it was). A couple beside us went in for their appointment and shortly later came back, the girl sat in the chair next to me just sobbing. Then another lady went up to the desk to ask some questions, just pouring with tears.
It was one of those super strange experiences where you almost have an out of body moment. As we sat there amoungst the sobs, Katy Perry, fritters and overwhelming information, I thought to myself..."so this is our story eh...not how I saw this baby thing playing out."
I know I am not the first person to go through this, it was just that moment of realizing we were actually there, at a fertility clinic, awaiting our news.
And for the record I have an idea for fertility clinics. Hold the fritters #aintnobodyneedafritter and give me some puppies to hang out with before/between appointments. I would have had a very different experience if instead of crying women and depressing brochures, there was this in the corner of the waiting room...
Bucket of puppies! |
I digress...it was our turn to go meet the Dr., who took one look at our file and said "humf, I usually don't see patients of Dr.X until the OR room for ivf." Then he left the room. Jeff and I sat there thinking, what the efff.
He came back and we quickly realized he is one of these older Dr.s who says exactly what they are thinking with zero filter, although that's not necessarily a bad thing. He then explained that there is no reason someone my age with good health has had all these miscarriages. The last one was lost because of a genetic abnormality, but we don't know about the others. He told me I have PCOM, which he said is like PCOS, but with the only symptom being hyper stimulated follicles. So I was at least happy to have found some possible cause...although in the last 5 mins of our appointment he said "ohh wait you don't have PCOM, your scan was normal." WTF?! lol
We almost should have brought a 3rd party note taker who isn't emotionally or directly tied to our situation to brief us on the appointment, after the appointment haha
The Dr recommended that we do IVF with genetic testing, as this will be our best chance for a healthy baby(ies). We are still learning all about the process and everything it will involve and more importantly for our date to start. Thankfully the Ontario government recently started funding (as in January 2016) 1 round of IVF, which is amazing, but as you can imagine the list is already quite lengthy. We should hear in a couple weeks when our start date will be between January and March 2017.
Being the non patient person I am, this was the hardest part for me, I really don't want to wait so long, but then again I am sure time will go by very quickly. When I told my grandma everything she said "don't even worry, because it's already been written." I will just have to remind myself this as I try and be patient.
In very exciting news, we become Godparents in May which is the greatest honour in the world, to my life long friend Amanda's son George! One of my best friend's had baby girl named Autumn in March, which I cannot wait to spoil all summer, when they get back to town and my sister is pregnant with a little girl expected in August - so very very very exciting times ahead!
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